It is funny how life dictates one’s focus and identity. I work hard, to get the stuff, to get the girl. Then I have to work hard, to keep the stuff to keep the stuff, and/or get newer stuff, to keep the girl. This 3-legged approach to identity is wrong. It teaches you to find identity in your actions, or your material wealth, or in another human being. Even in marriage, many of us fall into this trap. If any one of these legs are removed, then the entire thing comes crashing to the ground: I can lose my job, I can lose my stuff, and I can lose my spouse. If I have been seated on this 3-legged stool of false identity, then who am I when one or all of these legs are removed and I am sitting on the ground broken and hurting?

Based on the previous blog, we know that identity comes from God, and having a relationship with him. Therefore: If the first thing on your mind, the thing that gets you going in the morning, is your spouse, your job, your possessions, your family, or anything other than your God and Father, you are no man at all. If the first face you seek out is the accepting and loving face of your spouse, if your spouse can detract you from your time with God, if you give up spiritual things for your spouse, you have a flawed identity, and are therefore unfit to consider yourself in the image of God. You are not the biblically holistic person designed by God to exemplify Them before the universe.

This is important when seeking a mate:

1.  If you can look into your prospective mate’s eyes and you see love for you, and no love for God...

2.  If you see no reflection of Jesus in the life of your prospective mate...

...then they should not be considered as the "one" for you.

They are not worthy to be the parent of your children. They have no "God-identity" and no relationship with Jesus to keep them grounded. They are not full of faith and therefore cannot be loyal to you.  Therefore, they are an unfit role model for your children. They will waffle, stumble, cheat, misuse, and abuse you emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually, materially: in any and every way possible. No one who is more interested in one's spouse, career, children, family, house, or anything else above God is worthy of your affections. They will do a disservice to you as you attempt to live your life in submission to Jesus Christ.

No one is anyone at all without their identity coming from God first. It is in God that personhood is defined; it is from God that personhood is bestowed.